Coming back is never easy.

 I have been away. 

And I mean it. Away. 

From all the social life, from the world wide web. I have just been living in my bubble ever since and I do trust that I am still there. Still living in the bubble of mine. 

This time I would like to cover a very huge problem within introverts. Yes, you wouldn't even believe - I am one as well. 

So as you can imagine, there are multiple stages to it. Mostly these depends on the person. That is not written in the stone or anything. We can change. Okay, got me there. We can try to change and usually that doesn't come true. It doesn't matter how hard we try, we will and shall still be introverts. For life. There then are just two choices left.
1. You cope with us or
2. You don't.
That's it. There is nothing else. Just be careful with these types of people. They tend to take everything way too serious. Even though the imagined life scenarios never happen as intended they would still blame themselves and only them because, obviously, in their imagination, it's their fault it never worked out. 

I am also not here to repeat all the previous great ancestors and if I happen to miraculously quote any of them, believe me, that's just me expressing myself.   

So as we are moving on, for the introverts there are many life challenges to overcome. It can even be, and I am sure it is, expressing their thoughts and feelings. This is a very though and hard stop and we ended here so quickly. I believe you get that it's one of the biggest troubles of my own. So how do we fight it, you ask?
You don't.
Don't fight it. Never fight it. Let yourself be. Give yourself time and all the other expected things will eventually come. Ofcourse it doesn't mean that you just need to lay in the bed and await the life to fix itself. That shall not happen. There is still some work to do.
What? What should I do? 
There usually are three stages but it depends on how you explain them.

• Acknowledge the issues you have.
• Understand the issues you have.
• Listen to music you like. Actually, not just like but also love. It has to feed your soul.
• Don't be afraid to disappear. You don't own any explanations at all. 
• Remember that over-thinking is alright.
  
• Rethink your life choices and try to live aligned with them. 
• Your past is your strength. Take the best from your past and change it to something even much more better. 

These are the bulletin points I am trying to live with myself too. Don' t think that it took me a day, an hour or anything. To be completely honest with you, it took me quite some time and it wasn't just days. At this time it is over half a year I believe and I am still hurting, still imagining, still hoping and , yes, still crying from time to time. 

Life is never made easy no matter where you stand at this point however we can only try to help each other with books, blogs, vlogs and something else that gives an actual benefit other than just scrolling fn videos on youtube, instagram or tiktok. 

There are just a few people if even they are actually there. Family. You only get one of those. So called Friends you can get on each corner however "true" friends will take the extra mile to speak or meet with you. At the same time I am also trying to remind it to myself - be a much better friend than you are at the moment. At this point there is another thing I would like to speak of. 

Burning out. 

Never, and I say Never. Never let yourself to get to a stage where you are burnt out. It is no longer you. Just someone who is trying to cope with all life's difficulties and hoping all the problems and issues will go away themselves eventually. That never happens. Sadly I have the experience on my own skin.Who knew, right? The reason I am mentioning this is very much important for me as a person, as an individual and I am not ever looking at it professionally. My previous experience just helps me understanding my future employees and, hopefully, we shall be on the same page. A little bit off topic session here because well... Introverts.. We have some troubles of expressing our feelings. This type of amazing persons are very hidden and usually nobody knows what they exactly feel and see. At the same time I would also like to mention that they are kind and heart warming, very much sincere and loving. All what they need is the correct approach but that is just the same with all other types of people. Nothing new. I am really sorry about myself getting so personal in this thread. I do always hope that there will be at least one person who will find information useful and that would bring my goal from "pending" to "accomplished" stage. 

We are here now to the next stage. It can be disguised and hidden under different names. Just depends which one is more relevant for you. 

 Un-Forgiveness. Sadness. Tears. Not being able to overcome certain issues. 

It is crucial to trust your own decisions that you made in the past. If you are unable to trust yourself then we are in a deep trouble. There was a time a experienced the same type of troubles. Probably I could help but that's not the point. Now we need to resolve the Sadness issue. 

 If, indeed, you have loved someone and they never leave your mind... I have to say, have to admit that you tried to do everything with the best intentions. It still doesn't mean that it was enough for your other. Have to admit that each and every situation is individual and needs to be looked at separately. 

Back to the choices - never regret the choices you have made in the past. It must mean that you were ready for the steps you made. Live with it, cope with it and most importantly, try to understand them. 

Understanding and moving on. Living further.

Hard. At some points even impossible, however we need to trust ourselves. Our subconscious mind already knows the correct answer. All there is left to do is obey. Obey to the outcome of the choices you made. Listen, what type of music helps you think? Is it one singer, one band or one type? Is classical music a type? No, it's a genre. Be sophisticated and always evolve and educate yourself. Work on you and then the forgiveness shall come. Would you also like to know why? It is very simple math. You have to forgive yourself to let other people or things go. If this stage is not completed then there is no future and we shall be stuck in this "Un-forgiveness stage" and I would be very sad to hear that there are many more people like me. 

There, however, is a breaking point. Not all and not everything can be forgiven in a month, not even a year and sometimes it can even take longer. Depends only on you. Remember that forgiving is difficult and that is how it's supposed to be. Give it time to heal, give it time to overthink and give it time to fade away. Just these three simple steps. 

Hoping for the best. 

Have to admit that I also tend to hope for the best. Why? Because why not? What else do we have left on the things that we are unable to influence? Just hope that those will turn out as intended, as suspected. Just the worst part is that they never do. That's alright, we have it in our DNA to hope for the best resolution of anything and I don't blame none. 

Then we arrive to probably the last stage my intentions.
 

Appreciation. 

This one is really rough. Makes my heart bleed, tears to come down my cheek and having something really heavy stuck down my throat.

Our biggest problem is to think of everything as granted but it's not. It never will be. At some point we need to stop being selfish and start thinking of the people that shall arrive to this world after us. There is a reason why we need to appreciate our ancestors, our family, our friends. They are the ones who contribute to our lives. You should try to give something good back to them too. Gratitude, appreciation and love. There are no other feelings that are indeed important. My advice to all of you reading and to me, myself, would be "love". Spread it across the world. Unconditionally. As much as you can. Listen to the birds chirping next to your window in the morning, listen to all the good that you have given to other people. Hear the goods things and understand that you are capable of much, much more. Appreciate the life and wealth that you are living in. 

Gratitude. 

Be thankful. Thankful of what you have and I am not speaking about material wealth. Just say "thank you" even nobody is listening. You have earned what you have and you deserve it. I am pretty sure that you are entitled to something more in your life however that is just and only in your hands. Be grateful, appreciate waht you have at this point in your yourney and try to live the best out of it. We do live once in this life. Okay, well ... We can only remember one the lives on this planet. 

With this I would like to conclude my writing. I am pretty sure it fell a bit clumsy and maybe not in place at some points. It happens with things that you do not practice as much as you should or you wish to. Find a place for your soul at all times. No matter what. I seem to have forgotten that for years. Sadly. I have mention, though, that this is a great start and I hope to share my thoughts with you soon. 

With all the best, 

Amantpenseur / Foodforlife

You

But then I met you.
It was one of the best things that ever could happen to me.
I just wish I could stop the time and spend it all just with you.
There's nothing else I need here in this world
To be around you,
to be next to you !

PaElpot!

 Izeju ārā paelpot un saprotu,
te vispār lieliski ir.
Dzirdi kā pa kalnu strautiņiem
ūdens lejā tek.
Brīžiem
tas aumaļām līst,
brīžiem
Tas maigāks paliek.
Tad Tu ieklausies.
un saproti,
ka tas strautiņš jau
Savu teci nemaina.
Tas esi Tu,
kura domas lēkā.
Palikt mazliet ilgāk,
Vai pastāvēt mazliet vairāk
Vai varbūt ieklausīties?
Ieklausīties.
Tavas domas un Tava sirds
Tās nemelo.
Dari kā ir ieplānots,
dari kā jūti.
turpmāk viss notiks tikai pēc sirdsapziņas.
Nav ne miņas grēka,
nav miņas uztraukuma.
Tikai pagaidām.
Pagaidām.
Otra puse,
tā vēl priekšā ir.
Skaisti ka tā var,
skaisti, ka tā drīkst.
Pats grūtakais ko Tu atceries -
vienmēr priekšā ir.
Ar plašu smaidu ejot pretī
Pretī tam un ar plašu krūti elpojot…
visam.
Visam. Pilnīgi visam.
Tam ir jābūt kārtībā.

Changed by time

 Again. Almost a year around. Time sure loves to fly quickly. There has to be something why I'm telling you this... If you would look back on where were You a year ago and now. Compare. Has it been better or worse? There is no such thing as worse. If it feels like it has gone completely wrong, don't worry, nothing's over yet! Just like with Samuel. No matter how hard the times were during the past year, things have come to an successful outcome. What did happen the past year, You will ask?
Let me continue this way...
As you can remember from not that far ago what kind of person he was. He is not any more the one who's rushing to parties, to meeting people whenever there's time. Other priorities have taken him all over and there I think I should say that Samuel has finally grown up. Of course, men don't grow up, but just the toys get bigger... But as before - going out and being on line to be the coolest person at the club was important, then now it's all gone. Now this is what a year or two can do with people. But don't you worry, because he is still that same old dreamer about life, he still loves having a good time just in different ways than before. It should also be a reminder to all of you out there. Time still is and will stay as a relative concpet of how we understand it. Continuing on, this reminds me of a walk with Samuel. As usual, the evening had come and there was something missing for supper so we had to go out to buy some rice. We walked as we spoke and he started: "Do you see? Do you see how's everything changing around us within a moment, a blink of an eye? I have noticed it already before. Just that hardest part is that it keeps happening faster each time, I mean, it takes more and more time to notice it and then you can just look back and tell to others or to you as in my case that it has already been a year or two. How? It's ridiculous how fast everything changes and I can't catch up to all of it, so many things seems so stupid... Is that a sign? A sign that I'm getting old? Because I hope not. I know, I know... I have always been this weird guy all around. But still... Where are we people rushing? To what? Money? That's never enough no matter how much we have it.. To power? Fame? I'm feeling again that it's getting too deep, but the feelings wont go away that someone should be at least asking and giving these kind of questions, because noone else will. I'm completely concerned about where do we - humanity go. Why can't there be all of us informed about what's going on in this world and what will happen the next five, ten or twenty years. Why does this keeps happening?" I didn't say a thing. Just kept quiet, I had no idea what and how to answer him. We hadn't met for so long, for a moment it felt that it's not him anymore, that it's not Samuel. The manner he spoke and the tone of his had changed. As I'm still sitting here I can't see a better answer I gave to all of his questions in one.
"But where do You, Samuel, see us going? What is there for you to do and what are you willing to sacrifice for the good of all of us? Where do you see us now and in time of twenty years? Is there going to be flying cars?"
I am thrilled of Samuel and the way he always wants to know everything. A person that during it's life is trying to become better and better will sure know more than the one who is lazy enough to stay in the bed the whole day. It is very important to keep everything in balance. Meeting people and friends is healthy thing to do from time to time because you can never know what news they can bring to you. There will always be a future for us to look up to. The people around us are the ones who are changing us. The people we care about are the impulse of our lives that we need and look for so much. Get carried away if that's what you need. Never be afraid of yourself.

Aim straight

Sound like a dream come true. 

Yes, it is truth. That's the reality I always hoped for, wished for and worked for. That moment when you get that great and awesome feeling when your dreams and hopes are coming to reality. Just as you wanted and even much more, much better. Yes, you are my everything and even more. I am the luckiest man on earth. I never want to hurt You. And I will do my best not to. As much as happiness as much joy I want to bring in your life.

Our lives at the moment may not be perfect, but I am thankful that I have the few most important things in my life - love, happiness, family, joy, food & home ( roof over my head ).

Sometimes we really do forget the few most important things in our lives as days are passing by and we keep living in the never ending wheel. It just keeps spinning around and around and around and there is nobody that strong to stop it. If you do, if you try, it can crush you in small pieces, but that is the reason why people invented glue - to fix things even if they are completely broken. Same is for people. Just be you, yourself and listen to what your inner yourself is trying to tell you. It could make some sense after all. 

Never forget to dream. Dream big. Then work as much as you have never done. And after you already can make even more miracles to happen. Be free. Be one of the few. Don't be afraid. Aim straight. 

Dead but walking alive

It is very difficult to explain. It is something what a completely normal human being just would be able to eat and finish it up in a toilet. Sometimes the life give so much bad influence on you and everything you want to do is to give yourself up to it. You are feeling that you have nothing else left better to try nor do so you are already considering of doing it. Some things are to happen in a persons life so he/she can see what is totally wrong. 

Everything in this world is pure business and fight for influence. It is just too much for me and my mind to bare with because i am one of the who sees through the system. What news channel you are watching mainly shows what person you are. That is a reason why I avoid all the tv and internet. I try to be as much further away as I possibly can. This world is too fake for me. People are fake. Even I, myself, could be fake not even noticing. But I have seen it before. What are we doing with the world and place we are currently living in?! Destroying. Why? Because we are greedy and we care about is to feed our ego. If one person is to create something new in the world it can't be the rich. They are spoiled and rotten from inside. New blood from the 13th region is needed to rule the world, to rule the nation. How much information is "hidden" and can't be seen by a normal human eye?! What are these nation secrets all about?  Shouldn't we all be aware of them and about what's happening in the world?! In the end it's our world not yours, Mr Obama and Mr Putin. Beware and Be Aware. Watch out for yourselves and be ready to fleet. The only person you should be able to trust in is yourself, but not today. There is too much influence your mind doesn't even sees. It happens every day. You have no idea about it. Don't worry, because it's just a start. World is coming to an end and is soon to collapse in front of itself. If you have been following the news, you probably know that D.Trump is to be the next president of the United States and I can't even blink my eyes when it has already happened.

By this all I mean - never be afraid of yourself and what your mind has to tell you. Believe in yourself no matter what. You are in charge of your life and nobody else. Make choices. Stand for your opinion. Stand sharp till the end. Stand strong. Per aspera ad Astra. You have to. Remember that great personalities at first are unknown and never seen before at some point. Be a step further than your enemy or friend is. Make sure to get intelligence before everybody else about the things you care about. So another question, why is all the great information that sacred and hidden?

Does that really means that we are free in our will and choices?! Are we really free persons/ human beings or that is just an illusion?!

I am about to say that we have never born free. There is no freedom in this system we are living in. Today no freedom is available. And too bad for that. I hate to admit it because it's everything I have fought for in my life - freedom.

We are fighting for a status in our lives. The higher the status the higher level of freedom is available. Is this what our ancestors fighter for? Is politics good creation?! Must say that at some point I'm anti-politics.

The world now is not what it used to be. And it never will. Never the same. Tears are running over my cheek while I am writing this. But we still fight. We still try. Love, faith, beliefs. In what do you believe and is it really worth it?!

Dead, but walking alive. Why? In my life I have seen death so many times. It has killed me, but it has never been strong enough to kill me. It has just shown and opened new doors and windows for me so that I could see what is actually happening in this world. For that I have to tell thank you to so many internet users around worldwide. We all have access to those files but not all of us has the courage to watch them nor the time. Thankfully out there are people who has the same ideology as I do and they are already making the point what I am trying to do. It is never ending war between human races and ideologies. It is, we who are not free will try to achieve the freedom. In the way we understand it.

Some of us will be done when they can shop whatever they want. For others that will be just a start. You shouldn't be afraid to dream more and to show your dreams to everybody else. Everything is possible and all the right ways will come to you in a no-time. It's irrelevant. Days, weeks, months or years is not to count. Just keep playing the game we all so much love to call as life. In this century when we have electronics and massive amount of information to get through... I admit, it is very hard to get you mind and even yourself self entered on the things you want to see in your life, but if you won't do it then nobody else will. Join the movement. Join the ideology and feel the freedom what is just around the corner. Stop being official. It gives no joy to you or your soul. Instead enjoy the moment you are living in and thank to your friends and everybody else who is around you to make your days count. I strongly advise you to stop looking for material wealth because that is not where the love and joy is hidden. The best in this world is to be found without a price on it. We humans struggle in this question too much. It is all about the things and what the Mother Nature can offer us. We are not the ones who can nor should influence it in any possible way. Of course we are to create to make our lives better, but not at a point where we destroy ourselves, where we create slaves or underpaid people. This world had to be about equality therefore no slavery is allowed. We are too far away from that. I don't see it coming in the next decades because we too much are thinking about the material world but not about our spiritual well being and that is what truly makes cry and collapse.

Don't read news. Get out of that circle. The more people will understand it the better the world will be. If we shall return to what the world was years ago but at the same time will continue to trade real goods not fake ones the sooner the world will get back on its feet. If we would use just what we really need nobody would have to work as garbage collector or anything. We are a mechanism that is destroying itself. When will the masses see the error in here and start to think?

We are dead but walking alive.

How I inspired myself

And then there comes that day when you feel awfully down and there’s nothing that could help you. Your mind has no control of what happens inside of the head. Your soul is crying from inside. It screams and looks for help. But there is nobody who can reach out to you because all of the feelings have been long time ago blocked and no outer world can see them. You have reached an extraordinary high level of being an introvert human being. Thankfully, your body is healthy enough and you are enjoying all the good things the world has to offer, for example, sunny day and rainy nights when all you want to do is to sit and relax. Re-think your life and try to fix the things that have gone wrong some time ago. There is nothing that could calm your mind down. It’s not necessary. Let the mind do what it has to. There is always one great tip how to get yourself back on feet – inspire yourself. Look for inspiration through everyday things and try to do your greatest efforts on whatever you are best of. Try something new. Let your ideas be your guide and calm your soul by doing that. Whenever I have something serious on my mind I either go to a workout or just walk around city where I live in at the moment. Put yourself on a pause and make plans for the future. Write them down. You have to be passionate about what you do. Also work on the ideas that you have, not just think about them.
Whenever I share my ideas with someone I expect them to be as much passionate as I am. It almost never happens that way. People give you so much negativity that you might even think that the idea is not worth working on and you shall quit it not even started. But do try and look what happens. Of course, you won’t see the results straight ahead, but if you quit you haven’t been passionate enough to make the idea count.
My life has taught me that everything happens for a reason and for the best. You just always have to be aiming straight and concentrate on what you want to achieve. Don’t be afraid that people shall not understand you and look weird at what you have in your mind. They will always give sarcasm and try to speak you of what you have in mind. Take risks, they are worth it. One of my life’s motivational thoughts is: “I never loose. Either I win or learn.”
All of my life, as long as I remember myself, I wanted to live the rich and wealthy lifestyle. Everything I cared about was money and nothing else was on my mind. My lifestyle included few hours of sleep every day for a year and a half. At the end I just saw that I haven’t gone further than I was before. The effort I gave was not good enough and things just didn’t happen the way I wanted. Everything collapsed, but I never lost the belief in myself and kept going. As I look back to that period of my life it just seems that I was smashing my head into the wall and was waiting for a miracle to happen. It just doesn’t work that way. I will tell you why. I was too much into earning money I forgot to live my life; I forgot what family means to me and got so far of them. I travelled to other countries and tried to find myself there. That never did happen. Already then I knew that you have to be passionate about what you do. For more than a year my lock screen quote was “The only way to do great work is to love what you do.” (by Steve Jobs). I was looking each and every day at this quote and was letting it to go deep in my brains. Now I have to admit that I’m there. I never gave myself up. I have reached the point where I do what I love most. Money is just secondary value. “The best things in life are free. The second best are very expensive” (Coco Chanel)
This is what a commitment looks like. Each and every one of us has our separate road to go on. It’s all about our value tree and things we love. We should never be scared. Everybody should work with themselves as much as it is possible. Don’t be afraid of what come into your life. Just open up to the world and see how your life changes. If you wish something very much and the passion is all yours about it, eventually you shall manage to achieve it. Don’t be afraid. If something is not working, if something has not the best ending as you wished, don’t give up, keep working. Make sure that you inspire yourself as much as possible. Give it some time and plan ahead. Always look straight up to the goal and do the work. Things will happen and you will be happier. 

Roland Sel /// amantpenseur